M4W – The way you were holding those
plums caught my eye in the supermarket
I am not sure if you saw me on account of
how busy you were with your 4 children. I
was tempted to introduce myself and help
you pick up the one you dropped. I was to
busy admiring from afar whilst you tried to
maneuver around your baby bump to bend
You left your 36 value pack of condoms and
your organic multi grain whole wheat bread
at my Farmers Market in Stirling this past
Friday. You included the receipt for the
condoms, which both shocked and
delighted me. I really had no idea condoms
were this expensive. Shocked because,
although these look like really good ones,
they set you back almost 40 bucks!
Delighted because if no one claims them,
I'm exchanging them for a couple boxes of
Made Good bars and a lotto ticket. Maybe
I’ll get as lucky as you seem to think you will
be… I’ll even pick 36 as one of my numbers.
I didn't see you, but I imagine you to be
MALE, born in the 90's or 2000's, very
optimistic, health conscious yet carb loving,
clearly not diabetic. Maybe a long-distance
runner? Would make sense in the stamina
department as well. Or maybe you are in a
I asked around, but no one was admitting
anything to me. I learned that people don't
appreciate being asked if they misplaced
them. I just feel like if I ever spent 40 bucks
on condoms and 6 bucks on a loaf of bread
and then LOST them while buying a 7-dollar
freshly pleased juice, I'd be so mad.
So let me know if these are yours. I'll bring
them this weekend to the market.
Dear Sir or Madam:
Ha ha! You are clever! In the true holiday
spirit, you gifted your unwanted parking
ticket to a neighboring vehicle! (Which
belongs to me)
Unfortunately, you disregarded two
important points. First, I do not drive a
silver Buick; second, I do not plan to pay the
city $30 on your behalf.
I understand fines double after 10 days and
triple after 90 days. Merry Christmas!
Me, who’s vehicle you tried to pawn the
ticket off on…
M4F- You were the hot brunette with
curves in all the right places. I was the tall
guy next to you that looked over and asked,
"Was that you?" You quickly replied "No...
Wasn't me!" You almost seemed insulted I
would ask. As the stink grew you continued
to deny your flatulence, but it was evident. I
tried to get rid of the stench by waving a
couple loafs of bread from the shelf. You
proceeded to storm off in an angry manner.
You are beautiful and even though you are
a liar and fart like fresh Tupperware, I would
love to meet up for a drink sometime.
To the girl who attempted to break into my
house this morning:
I feel we made a connection, separated only
by inches through the door with the two
locks you were trying to pick. I gave you 15
minutes to make your escape. You’re
welcome BTW, now how about your
number in return?